致我永远的女王

最近最常被问的问题就是，你还好吗？

爸爸最常被问，你还习惯吗？

说真的，怎么习惯？

我习惯了一起生活了24年的妈妈，习惯了从小到大都被念，被念的时候觉得很烦，现在没人念我了我很伤心....就拿一天的生活习惯来说好了...

今晚若是没有调好明天早上的闹钟，醒不来就真的是迟到了，再也没有人会跑到床边喊“欣啊！要八点了你还不起来啊！”

然后出门的时候如果下雨了，妈妈会拿把伞替我遮雨，现在啊？拿plastic bag套在头咯！

放工回到家也看不到妈妈坐在客厅看电视机，走去厨房也没有妈妈在煮饭的身影，走去房间看了一下妈妈空着的床位，心又痛了一下，妈妈不在了....

吃了晚餐之后再也没听到“几点料！还不去冲凉啊！nam nua cha bo!以后嫁个跟你一样nam nua 的ang!" 现在没人这样念我了，而我也变得准时吃饭冲凉，不拖了，不nam nua了。

好吧～我又哭了....

到了晚上11点半都还在玩📱不睡觉也没人会念“你还不睡觉啊！明天不用做工是不是？都几点了！”

接着，半夜起来习惯性的看向你睡觉的床位，想看看你睡的好不好，可是空荡荡的...你不在了....

当每个你习惯了的事情重复做的发生而都没有你的存在，我知道你不在了，你不在这个世界了，或许你在另外一个世界，一个我们终有一天都会去到的世界，又或许你会再投胎做人，有缘的话，说不定我这辈子还可以认识到以不同身份生活在这个世界的你，有缘的话，我希望可以再遇见你，当我的女儿也好，媳妇也好，希望我们能够有缘再遇见...又或者是，你在天上当神仙了～你是医院里乐于助人的小天使，当了神仙也说不定，那样的话我也要和你一样乐于助人，以后才有得当神仙，才能够遇见你，我要把你来不及看的这个世界所发生的事都告诉你:)

妈妈,我很想你......

致我永远的女王

这几天的心情，我不知道怎么形容，今夜，我又失眠了。

前两天和男朋友一起去槟城吃印度素食饭当午餐（自妈妈去世后，我们全家为妈妈吃素49日），去着的路上，看着熟悉的马路，想起明明不久前我才一直穿梭在这路上，慌慌张张的带着准备好的食物赶着拿去医院给你吃....紧张得不得了的以最快的速度把你送进医院急救室检查到底是出了什么事...带着你去赴与医生的预约，带你去做化疗...这条路，你都是坐在我旁边的...不然就是在医院等着我送美味餐点给你，再不就是在医院等我带你出院...明明是不久之前的事...怎么现在...我想象，你若是还在医院等着我，该有多好，你还在...一转念又想..受病魔折磨，真的好吗？我换了新车，却只是一直载你去医院，你都没有机会去别处，这样真的好吗？你离开...是解脱了...可是我很想你...

昨晚去健身房，又想起之前你一直说我很肥，要我去多做运动。在跑步机上跑着，看着天上的星星，突然想起人家不是都说妈妈会变成天上的星星守护这我们的吗？妈妈你有变成星星吗？你有没有看着我啊？我三餐都有在吃，不过我很想你....等下回到家，如果你还是一样在家的话，一定会叫我快去冲热水澡然后早点休息的....这点琐碎的小事，我很想念....

今天中午，脑海闪过“保护”这个词。妈，对不起，我保护不到你，你生病了我保护不到你，我没本事照顾到你健康起来...你日渐消瘦，我却无能为力...你生的这个病，很痛苦对不对...人喘，没胃口，没体力....你往生了，我也保护不到你...不知道往生之后到底你会遇到什么，会变成什么，你会不会害怕...对不起啊...我保护不到你....希望念给你的阿弥陀佛有帮到你。

这个时候，我是失眠了，我很想你...上网查了人往生后是怎样的俄？据说会变成中阴身，没个7都会死一次，对今世的记忆会慢慢退去...啊我不能了，一看到“对今世的记忆会慢慢退去”我的眼泪不能控制，你真的不会记得我们了吗？我很爱你啊妈....你忘记我们的话...我想象不了....那么那么多我们一起度过的每一天，你是不是真的会忘记....

死别，真的很难过，我很痛心！

致我永远的女王

昨天去了檀香寺办好了你生前指定放骨灰的地方。你说你要有很多粉红色的花放在你的棺木，我们做给你了。你说你要以佛理举行丧礼，我们做给你了。我们也答应你，我们兄妹会相亲相爱，你也要安心去你要去的地方。

今天是你离开我们的第五天，我想我还是需要多一些时间去适应没有你的日子......不管我们吃什么都打包一份回家给你，就仿佛你还是一样在家等着我们，没离开过我们一样....今天的晚餐是很好吃的素火锅耶，药材汤底喔～不懂你会不会碎碎念怎么你还在世的时候我们没带你去吃这么好吃的素食，偏偏就在你离开了才去吃，妈～我一直都在期待你能够好转，所以一直很用心照顾你，不让你吃那些难消化的，天天都让你吃粥...我知道这样的日子很乏味.....现在你可以尽情享受啦～不过接下来也还是吃素喔～都是为你好呀～你也很喜欢吃素对不对呀靓妈 ^_^

致我永远的女王

今天是妈妈去世的第四天了。我真的不懂怎么去形容现在的感受，真的很复杂。明明前几天还在跟她开开玩笑，半夜的时候她说观世音菩萨要来接她了，叫我起身扶她起来坐着等观世音菩萨的到来，还要我去打开门让观世音菩萨进来，我还取笑她说，菩萨若是要进我们家是不需要开门的，就算门关着菩萨也一样可以进来，菩萨若是不来，就算你把门打开了，你坐在这里等多久，菩萨都不会来，你快睡觉，现在已经是凌晨3点3了！

结果隔天早上，睡梦中一直听见你的呼叫声，啊～啊～我醒来一看，你眼睛开着而且很干，手机冰冷还冒冷汗，嘴巴开着一直发出弱弱的叫声，吓得我赶紧往你眼睛滴了好几滴的人工眼泪，就在你吞下了我喂你的一口水之后，你就这样躺着不动了.....

这两天，我一直在查询到底人死后是怎样的，去了哪里？会经历什么？听说人死后的8小时内不可以被触碰，怎么办！我们还立刻帮你梳洗更衣T_T不知道你有没有被影响到T_T

你到底是去了哪里.....不管你在哪里，我只想知道你过得好不好...你的身形是变得跟以前一样丰满还是和临终前的身材一样瘦弱啊....我希望你是跟之前的身形一样，那会比较有力。这两年你害怕的时候，我都会一直鼓励你，替你加油，给你满满的精神上的支柱，还让你有信心对抗病魔，你现在有没有遇到什么困吗难？妈～不管你遇到什么，千万不要害怕，不害怕你就赢一半了！你要记得我以前鼓励过你的话，不管你现在走着什么路，面对着什么，我一直都陪着你，你不要害怕，知不知道？

我真的很担心你，好几天都没看到妈妈的感受就是...明明前几天还一直在你身边撒娇，怎么突然的，什么都没有了.....你不要舍不得我们，只要你过得比之前活着时好，我们就放心了。

BALI TRIP(Planning Part)

Ola~~~~

Long times never update my blog since January of this month .

The story today is how I plan my trip to Bali with my boyfie :)

Almost everyone misunderstand this is our honeymoon  but NO NO NO,this is just a little promises in between my and the boyfie- Travel to one foreign country a year :)

First, I searching the best season to visit Bali.Knowing MAY and JUNE is the peak season to visit Bali because of the sunny weather, no cloudy,no stormy,no raining-Enjoy your sunset,sunrise,dolphin~haha~

Then, I started to search flight.At first I search for AIR ASIA but after compare the rate with MAS,it was just a little differences so MAS will do.(I brought the flight ticket on March which it's quite near to my travel date so the rate of Air Asia is higher)

The flight ticket was around RM900 for one passenger,round trip.(PEN-KL-DENPASAR)

After done the flight booking stuffs.I started to search from Agoda.com for  hotel in Bali.

First choice was GRAND MEGA RESORT AND SPA (Deluxe Room)which cost around only RM150per night!

Second choice was staying in RAMA BEACH RESORT(Garden Villa with Balinese decoration bedroom)which cost around RM360 per night!

After settle flight ticket and hotel things,I started to search for the must go places in Bali and also the must eat FOODS in Bali.

After done collect all the info from Google,I get to know a tour guide from Christine--Bina,the tour guide.(Contact-binawilothama99@hotmail.com)

List out all the places I wish to visit to Bina and he will arrange your itinerary according to the places you provide.Yes,this means that you customize your own itinerary.

No forcing to dine in the restaurant you refuse to

No forcing to purchase in the shop you refuse to

No forcing to visit some places you refuse to

Travel with Bina was just as free and easy and wonderful as you can't imagine!

Done booking flight ticket

Done booking hotel to stay

Done the itinerary in Bali

Stay comfort and go travel~

My very first time to travel overseas..My parents was so worry actually,papa even hold boyfie shoulder and told him to take care of him(hahahhaha)


Asking my dumb dumb boyfie to take care of me XD

DMC MASK

Hello~my blog,how are you?

Well, my health is fine, my relationship is good, my life is well, my current jobs is sucks!Really sucks!

But overall, i'm still FINE.

Promise to blog not about food but that seems like happen N years ago.I'm real busy.Busying manage my little online boutique business in facebook and instagram(Oli Olivia Boutique) and some personal stuffs.A lots of things happened during this few months...It's out of our expectation but sometimes,it will surprise you.

I couldn't tell more here but i would like to say, appreciate every second you live it,love the person who is surround you with care.

They are all precious.

Alright!

I'm actually want to share my daily???Oppps~~I don't use daily cosmetic stuffs...only night will do.

Arha~~

I'm felling into this amazing mask recently.It's like a magic to me.

DMC MASK

This is really works in deep cleansing my skin.Can really feel and touch the different before and after using it.

Well, if you don't know, i'm really like to sharing good stuffs with the people around me.So, i first put this mask on my little sister face, after that is my brother, followed by my mum, then it's my boyfie.I had try to persuade my dad let me put some for him

but he strongly stated he don't want.-.-

I bought it  from sheryn.kailin ^_< Service is as superb as the mask.

Back In Life Goes On

Decide back to blog finally.

Something bad is happened to a important woman in my life.An illness that cannot be cure but can only taking good care in every aspect,taking treatment and supplement to goes on.

Things happen,we couldn't accept it but we have to....because life still goes on...

Live sadly,life shortly.

Write a good one, do it better : )

That's also one of the reason i didn't continue to manage my blog until today.

Know what am i busy recently?

Home-Hospital-Home-Office-OnlineBoutique-Home

The venue shifting in between this few location .

Why am i continue to blog?

I should write down the every moment i experienced in my days so that someday i can recall back the every memory happened in my life.

Alright, i'm going to start my blog from today!

Stay tune!